Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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