ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
