i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
