I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
