We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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