Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
