I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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