when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
