Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
