I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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