He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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