My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
