Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Randomize
