Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
