I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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