youre lurking in front of me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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