I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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