You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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