I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
