I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
