Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
