why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize