I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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