Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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