Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
