i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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