No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
