You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
