There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
