I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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