im about as happy as oj after his trial
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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