I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
