she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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