I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
