Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize