Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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