overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
