yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
