I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
