Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
