Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
