I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
