just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
