Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
