I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
