Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
