420 ftw
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
