stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
