Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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