You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
