walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
