we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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