so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
