yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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