don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
