They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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