He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
