I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
