Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
