I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize