ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
