paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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