we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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