i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
