cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The Olympian is in my bed
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