ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
