remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
