Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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