This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
