we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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