he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
