a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
