we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
