drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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