So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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