I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
