You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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