I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize