You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize