i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
