I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
